Friday, October 27, 2006

I am a picky reader

I grew up reading voraciously. Starting in college, I began limiting the number of books that I would allow myself to read, because once a book grabbed me I had very little self-control and would stay up all night reading, at great expense to the rest of my life. I found that, especially as I slowed down the steady diet of books, TV, and movies that had characterized my teen years, I became ever more sensitive to the emotional tenor of these books and media.

Now, almost thirty years later, I very rarely see a movie in the theater (a complete sensory overload for me) and I don’t watch many on TV, either. I’m quite selective about the TV shows I watch. I still struggle to put down a book once I am engaged in it, and the cost to my 40-something body of staying up all night reading has become much more severe. I usually am compelled to continue reading a book, even if I am frustrated by how it is affecting my emotions.

My family and friends are often mystified as to why I get so angry when I read a book that I feel is overtly manipulating my emotions to achieve some conclusion that the author has in mind. I don’t completely understand it either, but I know that I get very upset at books that seem gratuitous in their attempt to grab hold of my emotions, who take those emotions and drag them up and down mountains or into the gutter. Especially if it’s done in a manner that seems unnecessary for the telling of the story, or if I feel that they are blatantly trying to push me to come to the some specific (and by implication “correct”) moral, spiritual, or emotional conclusion. I hate that.

I recently read a Christian novel where it seemed that the only characters to display depth, complexity, and richness were either the non-Christians, or in a pre-Christian state. Once the author began to describe the Christians, or especially when a character became Christian, the character became shallow and dimensionless, completely predictable. I long to read Christian novels about characters that are more real, that show some complexity, some depth, some uncertainty in their faith. I don’t trust people who tell me that all their doubts, all their fears, all their problems disappeared after they became a Christian – and I don’t want to read a book that portrays that either.

In defense of all Christian writers – what bothers me in a novel is probably not the norm for most readers. I’m not saying that the way I am sensitive to books or movies is any better – or more morally correct – either. I actually can tolerate many things that might be on a list of Christian moral “don’t”s – some bad language, some expressions of intimacy. It’s the sense of being manipulated, beyond what is needed to make the point of the story, that angers me. I don’t completely understand this sensitivity, and there’s a good chance it springs from some of my own emotional need for healing rather than some place of greater discrimination.

And as far as writing about Christians in a shallow manner, I’ll brazenly give my take on what this issue is about. I think it’s one of the great challenges of any creative process in our culture right now, to bring art that is Christian back into the realm of real depth and beauty and richness, not narrow predictability. I think that we Christians, many of us who consciously attempt to grapple with the awesome creativity and richness of the divine, have created a language and culture around our faith that somehow doesn’t translate well into art, into fiction. Our images are too packed with meaning for us, and we don’t know how to unpack them for someone who doesn’t share our background. I know that many people with much more understanding and knowledge than I have thought about this, though, so I don’t claim to have any great revelation here – I’m probably just reflecting back what I have absorbed through my reading of other’s ideas about this issue.

So – I have become a picky reader. I try not to start books that will, almost like a addiction, compel me to stay up all night reading only to leave me angry and frustrated.

No comments: