Monday, April 09, 2007

Imagine that!

Lent is over, Easter has come and gone – but I’m still moving slowly out of the tomb.

I’ve been learning to “pray with my imagination” through this last seven months of participation in an Ignation Retreat. What a different experience this has been for me! As we have followed the church calendar into lent and Holy Week, I have imagined myself there at the scene – walking with Peter and John to find the man with the water jar, sitting with Jesus’ disciples while he washes everyone’s feet, praying and sleeping in the garden, and watching as the horrendous scenes of beating and torture unfold, walking through all those stations of the cross along the leading right up the to crucifixion, and now beyond that.

I have learned a lot about myself through this time, especially when I realize I can relate to what I imagine different people in this story might have been feeling. I think of Peter, walking into town to follow Jesus’ instructions to prepare for the Passover. We know now the story of what an emotional time awaits Peter in the next few days, and I imagine that maybe he is already conflicted by the intensity and complexity of his emotions – did he miss his boats, his fishing, his old familiar life? That’s what I imagined – his dreaming of the peace of his old life, maybe a little worn out by the stress of this new life he had chosen. And I realize that I too often tire of the new challenges that life brings me, and it is tempting to look back at my “old life” as something that was better or at least easier. And I know that I might not live up to my highest ideals in the future, even as Peter goes on to deny being a disciple of Jesus. I am not alone in my struggles.

I identified with Pilate. Can I claim that I have never turned a blind eye to injustice, never “washed my hands” of responsibility for situations where I know that there is unjust suffering, because it just seems to hard to figure out what could be done? Because there is too much public pressure to ignore the injustice? It grieves me to realize that I have that much in common with Pilate. I am still pondering that one, holding this knowledge before the Lord.

And I want to explain what I mean by “still moving slowly out the tomb” – but I promised my daughter I would help her clean her bedroom this morning, and I need to stop now. Through lent I have been trying to learn to keep my “online” time in perspective in my life- and this is part of that. Trying to find a way to read blogs and write my own posts, without letting it take over. So I’ll stop for now.

It's wonderful to be back! I missed reading all your blogs more than I ever expected.

3 comments:

owenswain said...

Welcome back. Good to read you again. Good to see you making time for family. Visit when you can :)

luminousmiseries

Heidi Renee said...

welcome back christine! i missed you too!

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you're learning and growing. I think moving slowly is often the very best way to move!


Welcome back :-)