But I can't trace time
Do you ever think about your perception of time?
I do. My favorite realization about time was when my husband once explained to me his understanding (not unique to him!) of why time seems to get faster the older we get. He explained that we perceive time as a proportion of our memories, and the older we get, the more time we have to compare any one unit of time too (a day is a much smaller proportion of your life at 40 than it was at 4). I have loved this theory, and it helped me to reconcile the strange phenomena of time passing faster through the years. I especially think of this in the fall, when it seems like all I do after school starts is blink once, and it's Halloween, blink twice and it's Thanksgiving, then blink a third time and it's Christmas.
While I have loved this explanation, I don't think our only experience of time is of it going faster through the years. Of course there are those moments of extreme emotion or stress, where time can drastically speed up or down in our lives. But even aside from these phenomena, I have been noticing other ways that time is changing for me. In strange little blips, time is slowing down again.
Partly, this is due to my kids getting past the toddler/very young child stage. With really young children, I had to kind of look at the day as broad sweeps of time, and remember to keep only general goals for what I was going to do during those times. Depression also used to affect my perception of time, for when it feels like every step you take is like walking through molasses, you can't have very high expectations for how you are going to use your time. Time slips away, ill used.
But lately it feels like time has slowed back down a little. Or more accurately I think, the time has a different quality. Richer. Fuller. Not always, and not nearly often enough - but it's happening. There are days when I can look at a short amount of time and think "hmm, I could do this and this, and have a cup of tea and read a little, then do that other thing, and still get to school on time to pick up the kids without stressing." This kind of possibility thinking about time isn't something that I have experienced much of in the last ten years.
I don't mean that I am just looking for ways to get more done in the time that I have. What I am thinking about is more like a desire to savor my time like I savor the flavor of a good glass of wine, breathing it in, sipping it, tasting it fully. I'd be lying if I didn't say I am also hoping to get more accomplished in my new approach to time. But mostly I feel that I am more able to appreciate time and make conscious choices about how I will use my time. I want to experience more of being present to the time that I have. Not worrying, not stressed, not shut-down. Just present.
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace I’m going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes....*
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:25-27.*I don't know exactly why thinking about writing this brought these old David Bowie lyrics to mind, but now they won't leave - so I thought I'd share them with you! :)
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